Going from ONE to TWO Kids

It’s been a month.

A month full of amazing moments and not-so-amazing moments. I have never pulled over and sobbed before in a parking lot while rocking a screaming newborn in their carseat, but I’ve also never felt so much love in my life.

Last month, we welcomed Penelope home and introduced her to Paul (2 years old). Their initial meeting went so well and Paul seemed so excited for her to be here. So, a good start. He has been gentle, sweet, and mostly understanding. So, for all the moms freaking out about how their first born will adjust to another one in the house, I hope this gives you some reassurance that it really will all be ok. It’ll be hard and you’ll have some moments of “OMG I cannot do this,” but they will pass, trust me.

So let’s chat about some hard moments. I was not prepared for how SET OFF I would get when both kids are screaming at the same time. The first time it happened I remember thinking that I was moving in slow motion and had no clue who to tend to first. That was my first moment of guilt- how can I be in two places at once, helping them both equally? Well, the harsh truth is that you just can’t. And that sucks. There’s no other way to go about it.

But I found myself easily adjusting- that mother instinct kicked in and I started having some moments of “Ok, this isn’t so bad- I can do it.” I started including Paul in helping with Penelope when she gets upset, and as a result it seems that he has felt a sense of responsibility by bringing me a pacifier, burp cloth, or diaper when she cries. I happily accept the item and tell him that that is EXACTLY what she needed! His face reminds me that it’ll all be ok.

Something that’s really been helping? I tell the baby to wait. Sometimes when Penelope is crying and I’m with Paul, I tell her to wait, too so that he doesn’t feel like he is the only one who needs to wait. This has been really helpful since Paul has had to do A LOT of waiting. Waiting in the car for the baby to get in or get fed, waiting for me to change the baby’s diaper so I can play, and waiting for me to shift attention from baby back to him. Even adults don’t like to wait, so imagine a two year old…

And back to things that are hard: Dividing attention. Wow is this one of the hardest things to do, and something that I struggle with a lot. Some days I feel like I spent so much time with Penelope that I didn’t give Paul enough 1:1 attention, and that eats at me. Hard. I’m working through it and trying to not get upset about it, but it’s reality. Paul will not have as much of my undivided attention. And the other side of that guilt is how Penelope will never get as much undivided attention as Paul did as a baby. It’s a double-edged sword.

At the end of the day though, they both experience a lot of love and it’s all ok. The memories we are making together wouldn’t exist if they both weren’t here, and that makes me smile- how amazing it is that I get to experience life with two littles.

And speaking of daily life, as a Type A person who thrives on a schedule and being on time, I have struggled with daily routine shifts and how LONG IT TAKES TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. To compensate, I try to make a very short list of things I’d like to get done in a day and whenever I can do it, I do. And if things don’t get done sometimes, I tell myself that it is ok. The kids having my attention matters more than a clean sink or shampooed hair. (Even though I feel like I stink to high heavens). And to get out the door? I take the time I think I need to leave and add a good 15-20 minutes, and then pray I make it on time. Which right now is about 50% of the time.

And lastly, what I really wasn’t prepared for were all the sweet and innocent moments Paul is having with Penelope. He tries to pick her up when she cries and he goes “shhhh it’s ok it’s ok.” He tells me when she’s nursing, exercising in the play gym, and that he wants to “do tummy time too!” Those sweet moments are what keeps me going every day.

The transition from 1 to 2 will look different for everyone, but it is just that- a transition. The hard WILL NOT last forever, and the good will keep getting better. Remember that with every rainbow comes some rain, and that is beautiful.

You’re doing a great job, mama.