Handling Communication Breakdowns

We have all been there. Our child is saying something and we are like “what the —- are you saying?” It even happens in infancy, where baby is CLEARLY trying to get a point across in gibberish or is really getting frustrated in play or in the high chair and we are like “ah! I don’t know what you want!” It’s ok. Even I have been there, and I have a master’s degree in talking!

There are several things you can do to help mend communication breakdowns, but there are even more things you can do to PREVENT them in early infancy. Typically babies start really communicating what they want and need in more ways than just crying around the 6 month mark. They can sit up a bit better, they reach for things they want, they babble more, and you can tell by their tone of babbling what their mood is like. This is typically when the first communication breakdowns occur…

For 0-6 MONTHS:

The best way to PREVENT communication breakdowns in the 0-6 month population is to introduce sign language EARLY. Why? Because little ones can move their body much more fluidly than they can move their mouth to talk, AND they can do it way earlier. If baby knows the sign for the thing that they are trying to request, you both are more likely to communicate fluidly early on because babies can start signing BEFORE their half birthday- I know, WILD. Plus, think about it: every time you have a successful “conversation,” that motivates baby to keep “talking” with you! If you have lots of frustration and communication breakdowns, baby will be more discouraged the next time they try to convey something to you. So, having the tool of signing in your toolbox is going to help prepare you for the next stage. If you want more information on signing, head to my friends at Communication Junction, they have lots of information on their website, and on their instagram page, too!

For 6-12 MONTHS:

Frustration can set in for older babies, and it usually happens in the high chair. Why? Because there are lots of new things happening in that high chair: new foods, new tastes and textures, new cups, new expectations. And it can alllll be overwhelming. Sometimes baby is happy as a clam and eats whatever and drinks whatever, BUT most of the time, baby starts to form opinions about things and is trying to tell you.

My BIGGEST advice when trying to navigate a communication breakdown with this age group is to offer choices. If you see that baby is upset in play or upset in the high chair, try to offer them choices: Are you all done or do you want more? Do you want the puzzle or the doggie? If you have signs established prior to this point, you can use them to help baby communicate back to you! When you DO figure out what baby is trying to tell you, MODEL how to say that back to baby. “Oh, you wanted the BALL! Oh, you’re all done? Ok, clean up!” That way you are giving them the language that they will later use to express these things verbally.

For 12-18 MONTHS:

Buckle up. Toddler pronunciation mixed with toddler attitude is a recipe for disaster. When first words come in, we only expect to understand our littles 25% of the time. That’s a LOT of miscommunication! Ah! Most littles at this age are ambulatory, so don’t be afraid to say “Show me what you’re talking about.” It’s ok that they take your hand and demonstrate what is wrong or what happened. When they do and you figure it out, model for them what they could have said. “Oh the book is STUCK! Oh the toy is BROKEN.” Their bodies are still going faster than their minds at this age, so be aware that there may be more frequent breakdowns as they try to navigate new words and all that they are learning.

For 18-24 MONTHS:

As we creep towards the second birthday, the percentage that we are expected to understand our children increases to 50%, but that is still not a lot. I mean, half of the time you’re not going to understand your little one! I find with this age, that little ones have a decent understanding of nouns and verbs and are trying to put concepts together to tell you something. In their mind they might want something SPECIFIC, but just don’t know how to tell you. Try to keep your questions/answers short and sweet: “Show me which one you wanted. Point to what you’re talking about.” At this age, lots of parents will say, “Come on and use your words!” But sometimes they just don’t have the words yet for what they want! When you do finally figure it out, try to describe what they wanted or what happened and pause to see if they will repeat what you said.

For 24 MONTHS-36 MONTHS:

The third birthday brings an expectation of 75% intelligibility, which still leaves a good chunk of misunderstanding behind. At this age, littles are usually making short sentences and trying to describe past events or narrate play schemes in pretend play. My biggest advice is to REPEAT back to them what you do understand and see if they will fill in what you didn’t. Littles at this age are notorious for talking a mile a minute because that is how fast their brain is moving! Instead of “slow down and tell me again,” just repeat back what you understood. That keeps motivating them to keep talking and gives you both a chance to repair a communication breakdown without frustration. It is still very common for littles to use signs at this age to aid in understanding so don’t be afraid to use them!

Communication breakdowns are NORMAL. If you notice that you are more frustrated than not when talking to your little one, really think about introducing sign language if you haven’t already and remember these percentages to keep your expectations realistic!

Stay tuned for some helpful handbooks that are coming to Eat Play Say soon- all about baby + toddler speech-language development!