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The truth is, you’re likely talking TOO much. Yes, you read that right. Too much.

I know parents are usually concerned that they aren’t doing ENOUGH for their baby’s development, but ironically, the problem isn’t that parents aren’t talking ENOUGH to their child. It’s that they are talking too much AND not giving their child a chance to process and respond. And it starts in early infancy.

The Parenting Books Say To Talk All Day Long

Yeah, about that.

All the parenting books say things like “talk to your baby!” and “narrate your day!” But they don’t give you any information on how to best do that!

So let me tell you. Babies as young as just a few weeks old can actually imitate things like coos, vocalizations, and even facial expressions and raspberries. But, they can only imitate these sounds if we LET them. And that is by PAUSING. For a long time.

It’s time to count those Mississippis, friends.

Slow Down & Get Awkward

In a society where everything happens instantly, and we are expected to move at a fast pace, it is understandable that parents expect their child to react quickly. But, the minds of infants and toddlers do not yet have the capacity to move at adult speeds. They need more time to make connections, process, and react.

Pausing after labeling items, after providing a direction, and even after smiling or looking at a child can do SO MUCH. Pausing provides an awkward silence that a child is more likely to fill with either a body movement, a look, or maybe even a sound or word. You can start pausing with your child from the day they arrive into this world.

Want to see a video of how pausing helps with imitation? Check this one out.

Pausing is important because it allows your little one to respond and more importantly, IMITATE you. Imitation is needed before independent words and language come into play. Without imitation, your little one is likely to have a harder time communicating. So, we want to encourage imitation from the JUMP!

Remember this Communication Hierarchy- half of the steps are imitation! So, let’s make sure little ones have time to imitate!

How to Pause Across Ages:

Newborns (0-3 Months):

Make facial expressions and pause waiting for a reaction.
Look at baby without making any sounds and see if they will initiate vocally first.
Cover your face with your hands and count to 5, then take your hands off and make a face or say a sound like “boo” and wait for their reaction.
Hold a picture or preferred toy just within reach and wait for a body movement like reaching.

3-6 Months:

Make vowel sounds like “aaaaa” and “oooo” when looking at them and pause.
Blow raspberries or make other funny face sounds and pause.
Sing a song and stop after every verse to see if they respond vocally or try to sing along.
Model touching crinkly toys, banging on drum and pause for imitation.

6-9 Months:

Model turning pages in the book and pause for them to make a sound or reach for the book.
Make consonant sounds like “ma, ba” when looking at them and pause.
Look at them and smile without making sound and pause for imitation or a response.
Sing repetitive songs and leave off the last word of the verse to see if they will vocalize it.
Play with cause and effect toys and when the toy stops pause for them to initiate another turn with their body or vocally.

9-12 Months:

Label items with single words and pause for them to imitate vocally or with their body.
Sing songs and stop mid-way and pause, when they indicate that they want to hear more of the song, model “more” and sign it.
Give routine directions like “close the door, up” and pause to wait for response (wait a LONG TIME, 5-10 seconds or more!)
Play with toys that require body movements and mimic daily routines, wait for them to initiate playing first and YOU imitate THEM.

12-18 Months:

Give new directions one time and model what to do (e.g., “Throw it in the trash!”) and pause for 5-10 seconds so they can imitate you.
Model single-word and two-word phrases and pause- look at them expectantly to answer.
Engage in pretend play routines and stop mid-way in the routine (e.g., change the doll’s diaper and only take it off, don’t put it back on) and pause for your little one to tell you or show you that it’s not finished.
Play with toys that have many play options (e.g., pretend making coffee and drinking it and cleaning it up, fake food you can cut and pretend to eat and serve, too). Model the different ways to play and allow for your little one to imitate you.

These are our favorite books and toys that prompt baby to imitate body movements, signs, sounds, and words!

Pausing Helps Meet Milestones

A lot of times parents say to me, “My little one isn’t doing XYZ.” My first response to that is: “Are you giving your little one enough time to respond to you? Are you counting to 10 in your head before repeating yourself? Are you allowing silence so they can fill it?” And a lot of times, when parents give their child MORE TIME to show them what they can do, they can actually do it!

Remember that if you keep repeating yourself, you may actually be interrupting your little one’s processing of the initial direction or model completely. It’s ok to be silent. It’s ok to pause!